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When Anna Marks, publisher of Bay Area Business Woman, asked me to write an article about how I used sports as a tool in my consulting business and personal life I noted that from my early years on, sports have always played a part as “motivator” in my life. As a child I was a gymnast in Communist Hungary, then I played soccer, and when my daughter wanted to participate (rather than stand on the sidelines watching her brothers play soccer), I helped form one of the first young girls soccer teams in Walnut Creek.

Claiming authority over your own life is a critical step in preparing to negotiate for your life – and [that authority] is a nonnegotiable requirement. You cannot trade off the right to make decisions about your life for money, love, security, prestige, affection, or fame. Not until you reclaim yourself, or understand what you are about, will you go forward. Let me be clear. Do not confuse “authority” with “control.” The desire to have total control over our lives is unrealistic since we depend on others also. We cannot control the behavior of other people – in our own families or in the world – and we cannot control the course of nature.

When I was ten, I learned to dance by standing on my grandpa’s feet, eventually graduating to the floor, depending on my own two feet. I was thrilled to learn with Grandpa even when I made mistakes. He used to say “It’s okay little one, mistakes are gifts. They are to let you know you must do it differently.”

Henry Kissenger, Bill Gates and Madeline Albright, have all made mistakes in their negotiations. Even Hilary Clinton said recently “I should have, I could have, but didn’t.” Clearly, much of my and others’ successes have come from mistakes made and the lessons learned from them. However, in my 27-plus years of training, coaching, facilitating and speaking, I’ve learned to prepare and anticipate avoidable mistakes (but this does not take away my willingness to go for it, take risks, and walk the edge).